I've been struggling how to share about this life-changing event that happened to me three months ago. Having a lot of emotions, so here goes a really personal post.
I gave birth to twin girls!
I didn't find out I had twins in my belly until 20 minutes before they came out. Imagine my shock and disbelief!
I was shaking uncontrollably. Having labor pains that were the most painful I've ever felt. A band of pain. Swimming in pain, just trying to feel my way out of it.
Listening to the doctor and processing all of this. Watching their two little bodies moving around in the ultrasound.
But there was joy too. Joy for getting to cuddle two precious little ones. Watch them grow, see them smile, play, laugh.
I was laughing and crying all at once. When they came out, I had this indescribable feeling like "I CAN do this". I just knew I could.
I never felt that way before. Never had that much confidence in myself before.
The nurses marveled at my ease, comfort and joy at the late hours and never-ending feedings.
It was that lovely high from childbirth. But it was also more, deeper, and felt real.
Getting home was such a relief. No more loud noises from the hospital, no more tests, people entering my room at all hours.
I cuddled my darlings in my home nest. My son looked so huge compared to their 5 pound bodies, wrinkly, and monkey-like.
So, you ask, how did I not know I had twins?
I opted to refuse all ultrasounds for my pregnancy (unless necessary) as well as doppler heartbeat testing. So, the two heartbeats were never detected. My midwife used a fetoscope for the heartbeat and she didn't hear two heartbeats. I was also pretty small for a twin pregnancy. I did a lot of walking during the pregnancy and only gained 25 pounds. It wasn't my intention, just that we were moving when I was 6 months along and did a lot of packing and up & down stairs. My belly was a little bigger but I didn't think too much about it.
I wanted to let my Baby be quiet and undisturbed in my womb. No sound waves bouncing off of him/her. I laughed when I found out. Said that I deserved this for trying to be so pure and natural.
Life sometimes throws you some major curve balls.
So now you know why I've been silent for so many months. Waiting to say it right and share this deeply moving experience with you. Also adjusting to the total and complete life change!
Feeling protective over my sweet baby girls, not wanting to cheapen the experience by blasting it all over the internet. Does that make sense? But it feels right to share it now.
I'm loving being a Mama to babies again. I get to cuddle, kiss, and coo to my hearts content.
I'm more confident in my abilities than the first time around. Believe me, First-Time Mamas, it does get way easier the 2nd time around! Everything is sort of second nature instead of being all new and scary.
Thanks for listening, you'll be hearing more posts about babies coming out the chute pretty soon! That is, if I get a break from round-the-clock nursing, ha ha!